The Reality of Reality

May 02, 2024

Have you ever seen an accident in progress? A car runs a red light as the opposing traffic moves into the intersection, someone loses their footing and starts to fall, a dish falls out of someone’s hands as they try to reach it on the top shelf. Most of us have a reflex that stops us from watching the calamity actually take place; we close our eyes instinctively or, in some cases, we look away altogether. It’s one of the ways our body protects us from experiencing trauma. We avert our eyes.

By extension, we learn ways over our lifetimes to avoid uncomfortable or unpleasant things. We clean the house to avoid doing some other task or commitment we find more odious. We may drink, eat, use drugs, exercise, have sex, binge watch TV to avoid any number of unpleasantries. The greatest of these discomforts is often…reality itself. Reality (aka the truth) is always unapologetically THERE, like that super talkative person who has glommed onto you at a party. That’s why it takes so much work to avert our eyes. Reality is hard to avoid.

What makes a crone a crone is the unwillingness to avert her eyes from the realities of aging (or from any other realities for that matter). Crones waste no energy on avoidance strategies. Reality is what it is and, in the face of it, crones respond with acceptance: “Adjust and move on.” No turning away. No numbing. No hiding. No avoiding. No closing our eyes in the hopes we won’t see what’s happening. Let’s face it, reality is on our doorstep and it’s not going anywhere. Might as well invite it in and see what it wants.